Push to Talk: When Gaming Online as a Woman Basically Guarantees Harassment

League of Legends

When I first held a controller in my hands, I felt such a rush of excitement as I stared at the Nintendo GameCube accessory, its large triggers and buttons gleaming brightly. Mashing those buttons while playing Mario Kart or Mario Party 6 was mind-blowing for five-year-old Shel. Then, something absolutely magical happened: I got a second controller.

I’m pretty sure I invited my elementary friends at least three times a week. We’d sit on my tattered couch in front of a tiny TV screen as Mario and the rest of his friends dashed through race courses, throwing banana peels and shells. My aunt would occasionally join in on the fun. I spent many hours on that couch with friends. My mom would sometimes get out an old video camera and record me playing with friends or by myself. Looking back, I was a terrible driver. It was always the bombs and banana peels that got me.

Now, however, things have changed.

With each new generation of consoles, the relationship between the internet and gaming has grown exponentially. We can now record our gameplay right from our console and upload it to Twitter, YouTube, and other media sites. Online gaming has also grown, going from simple two-player to four-player to large parties of friends and strangers having a good time slaying dragons and hoarding gold. Here’s where the problems arise. “Mainstream” online gaming—or at least what the majority imagines when they hear “online gaming”—consists of a bunch of men with headphones playing World of Warcraft or League of Legends. Now, what happens when you add a woman or two into the picture?

Conversations such as the following arise:

“You’re a girl?”

A classic, and usually the first thing said.

“How do you even know how to play?”

This was directed at me once.

“If you’re going to play, don’t slow us down.”

A personal favorite and also directed at me.

There are an infinite amount of these. I remember the first time this happened to me. Saints Row 2 is probably my favorite game that isn’t an RPG. I messed around with the settings once, letting anyone join my game and just play together. I thought that was awesome at the time. New people, new acquaintances, what could be better?

After killing some Ronin and gaining new territory, a message popped up on my screen saying that someone wanted to join me. For the sake of simplicity and privacy, I’ll call that person John. He joined my game and began making conversation. He asked what I wanted to do: missions or just running around and getting into trouble. I suggested we just roam around and see what happened.

[Insert long, awkward silence here]

After making sure my mic was actually on and repeating myself, he responded with the classic question I mentioned previously. This eventually led to a long conversation about how I even knew how to play and why I was playing in the first place. “Aren’t girls usually putting on makeup or shopping with friends?” *Facepalm* At that point, I just left. I turned off my 360 and contemplated what had just happened.

In that moment, I felt dumbstruck. I, personally, didn’t spend time putting on makeup or shopping. I abhorred such an idea (and still kind of do). I loved playing video games; they were my hobby and pastime. What did it matter if I was a girl? More importantly, how did my gender affect the way I played?

Saints Row

And thus began my search for equality in gaming. I started realizing that I wasn’t the only one harassed simply for being a woman and a gamer. I wasn’t alone. That irked me to no end. I searched for forums and Twitter accounts that fought against such discrimination. Still, there wasn’t much of an improvement. And unfortunately, there still isn’t any improvement. Every time I join a party on Call of Duty or meet someone on Minecraft, I get asked the same questions and told the same things. This has to end.

People need to understand that this is the 21st century; discrimination shouldn’t even be a thing. More importantly, gender roles shouldn’t exist. Women in the kitchen and men at work is a thing of the past and it should stay there. Women are just as capable as men in anything. As an example, I’ll use my mom—who is a scaffold builder, carpenter, and welder. Yes, she does that. She works at a refinery and she’s the only woman there.

So you see, whether in gaming or just in real-life situations, women are just as capable as doing things as men. I do not understand what makes men “more capable” and “independent.” It isn’t logical, in my opinion, and I’m sure others agree. At the end of the day, we’re all gamers. Human gamers. Human. Gender should not be a barrier, nor should it be used to judge someone’s capabilities. We’re all here to have some fun and relax and maybe make a new friend or two. That’s what video games are for—to sit back and procrastinate for a bit and forget all the hardships for an hour or five.

If you’ve been victim of such behavior online, don’t let it bring you down. Being the “best gamer” is totally not a thing and you can play however and whatever you like, be you man, woman, or any other gender. Plus, you’re awesome and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. So get out there and game!


5 thoughts on “Push to Talk: When Gaming Online as a Woman Basically Guarantees Harassment

Add yours

  1. So you see, whether in gaming or just in real-life situations, women are just as capable as doing things as men. I do not understand what makes men [appear] “more capable” and “independent.”

    Welcome to living in a Patriarchy. :/

    “Gender should not be a barrier, nor should it be used to judge someone’s capabilities.”

    Yet it is, and under patriarchy, the ‘audacity’ of even pointing out this unfair situation gets you into even more trouble.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sad to hear you’ve had a negative experience playing games online. I’ve never felt that being female has been a problem whilst gaming so far. I played Final Fantasy XI about 9 years ago, for roughly 5 years, and never had a negative/abusive experience from it. Although certainly there were people surprised that I was “an actual girl”, but it was always responded to as a positive thing. They were usually just excited to find a girl that plays games. The only annoying experiences I had were some people being very forward and sexual when they knew my gender, but they were easily blocked.

    Now for the past year I picked up Final Fantasy XIV and I’ve never had any comments or experiences like that yet, so I think things have started to change in certain communities. And I’d like to think overall there is more positive than negative and that it will only get better. :).


  3. So interesting how voice enabled MMORPG’s add an extra layer to this.

    I have pretty much always just RPGed as a guy to avoid things just like this (and because I don’t feel represented by female avatars and feel represented by male ones but that is a diff. story) but I don’t even know what the reaction would be if I did that and then got on the mic and sounded like a woman.

    More and more our IRL identities are getting ported into our games. Wonder if one day we will just have to RPG as our physical selves…


  4. I had some horrible experiences on MMORPGs. First and foremost, the second I mentioned my gender (cisfem) I was flooded with PMs asking for my Skype ID, amongst the usual sex offers.

    Second, I like devouring video games slowly. That means I like exploring, taking my time farming XP and gear, making money, etc. For whatever reason, (cishet male) fast lvlers always pushed me to lvl up faster, and I didn’t enjoy it.

    There doesn’t seem to be anything gender-centered in the second point so far, right? Well, the thing is that they would push me by insisting on taking me somewhere with higher mobs so I would lvl up faster and loot better gear, but then they would ask me for something in exchange (nude photos, phone number, Skype ID, “cybersex” sessions, show specific parts of my body on camera, etc).

    I didn’t even want to lvl up so fast to begin with, much less make them spend any of their time helping me. I was fine on my own, but insistence is something that makes me furious in a matter of seconds. If I said no, I was a *misogynistic slur*, if I agreed but then refused giving them any “reward” related to sex, the result was the same.

    This also kept happening to me even when I hosted my own server. I was the admin, mod, dev, basically everything and the only one holding it, and the players (all cishet adult men, except for one) kept throwing misogynistic slurs at me and demanding things they’d never even consider asking from a cishet male admin.

    As if not being a cis man had made me unworthy of any respect from the start.

    I gave up MMORPGs a couple of years ago. I still have 2 awesome friends I made there and we still speak often, but we all went our separate ways from online gaming because we all saw the same toxic behaviour and none of us liked it. It ended up driving us away from it.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: